check ‘tiz thing out!

haay.. I am thankful that at least little by little, I’m picking up myself. Thought I will be happy– and that’s what I really wanted to have. A life with there’s a little complication. (cause I was) AND NOW, I am putting it in place..one by one.. gradually. I don’t want to give up now what makes me busy, what makes me tired, what gives me a 10hour of not thinking it over again–my work. I am forced to smile, and i love what I do. It makes me happy. ..and when I go home, though tired a kiss from my naughty but very intelligent daughter gives me a fulfillment. That if I still don’t have my DIPLOMA with me, a MAN that would stand for us, and my COFFEE MASTER title (haha!) kiddin’– she made me fill fulfilled. Seeing her singing barney’s song (I love this line: "I love you, You love me WE’RE HAPPY FAMILY!") is such a bliss in my ears. yeah, I love YOU, YOU love me, WE’RE HAPPY FAMILY (mom and czarlyse is really a happy family)

I wanted to learn to be selfish, to be self-centered. I let go of my part that made me separate to some but now, I wanted to learn again how. For being a selfish, it will teach ME to LOVE MYSELF more, it will release me from all my anxities from a failed relationship. BITTER? nah, I will teach myself how. and to forget.

to my friends: Thanks for the wonderful advices when he dumped me. first time in my life that I was thrown away, and hey doesn’t he know that it’s Me that he threw away?

i came from a shitty relationship. i was impregnated early, stopped schooling for a while then now back in shape, studying, part time mom, part timer in a coffee shop. i even missed the old life i had. (but what else can i do? mum about it?) yeah, i have my daughter with me. (that’s the best thing i have) she makes me laugh and cry.

Tears. (go ahead,, cry!) I’ve been wallowing the pain for almost 2 weeks. (the freshest thing i have now) I cannot hide it from anyone else, I even keep on telling them what’s happening to me. I am in an energy draining situation wherein I cannot hold my emotions right now. My friend (B.S Psych) told me that I’m beginning to have a depression, something that is very usual to broken hearted people (and I’m what, belong with them?) and yeah, don’t forget.. I had this pre and post natal depression which is not very good for me at all. This thing eats me alot. It makes me suffer, mentally and physically. That’s why I keep on trying to organize myself– it affects me alot. (my relationship with my daughter, to some and my studies) I keep on telling to myself that i should be standing again. the best adviced i got from a dear old friend, my mom was "you’ve gone thru the most difficult time and u survived it (geez, i’m holding my tears) isurrender mo sa Kanya" I became a cry-baby now. (I guess) wala kasi akong masyadong shock-absorber, as much as posibble I wanted to see my friends (kahit na medyo mahal ang kape sa starbucks) just to make me feel "ok" for a moment. Halos di ko matingnan anak ko ngayon. I dont want her to see me like this,, my daughter is so bright that she feels what I feel. (di ko lang masabi, "baby gurl, i feel very fucked up!") I dont know why it happened, I don’t deserve this. muchos gracias.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=IIstGGNdZis   <<watch it!

• "loving someone is easy for it would take time for it to be developed, but entering a relationship is hard, for many sacrifices may involve and some times ‘tiz would make you weak even if you’re too strong.."
• "some relationships are not meant to be. they are fleeting, temporary, and often without meaning, like living a lie. And they have been entered into often because of mere feeling only.. and when the feeling is gone, the relationship is gone. and it becomes an object of yesterday.."
• "moving on after an ended love is difficult. the pain sticks like a thorn that has entered into the skin. though the thorn comes out and the pain subsides, the scar is still there. the scar does not always hurt, despite its being always there. as time goes, it gets EASIER to deal with."
• "when you know that two of you can’t get along or can’t settle things, there would be no choice than to end it. keepin’ together under a strained relationship does more harm than good. its painful, but sometimes you have to know when to say its over."

I am willing to trust. I know that to the degree I am willing to give up my search for a healthy love relationship, I can have it. I know I can have whatever I am ready and willing to receive. Individual receptivity is everything. Without it, nothing changes. With it, all things are possible. I no longer insist upon my choice. I know that the only thing I lose when I let go of something I am afraid to live without, is the fear itself. I am stronger than anything that frightens me! I let go of the past, and I am free to think clearly and positively in the presen t. I am not my past. Letting go is the natural release which always follows the realization that holding on is an energy drain and it hurts. Letting go happens effortlessly when there is no other choice. Letting go does not mean giving up. LoveNote. . . A life without love in it is like a heap of ashes upon a deserted hearth — with the fire dead, the laughter stilled, and the light extinguished. - Frank P. Tebbetts Letting go is a journey that never ends. Never. It only begins — over and over again — each time I can glimpse something higher than my own painful certainty over who I think I am. There is always something higher; a life beyond the limits of my present sight. To see what is farther I must be willing to lift my eyes from their present point of focus. Release always follows revelation and real revelation is always a glimpse of something that was only just out of sight. I know that stress in my love relationship exists because I insist! What I resist, persists. I am tied to whatever I avoid. LoveNote. . . The heart loves, but moods have no loyalty. Moods should be heard but never danced to. - Hugh Prather. It is a mistaken belief that I must push my love relationship in the direction I choose that keeps me in a strained and unhappy relationship with it. Reality has its own effortless course, and I can either embrace its way or struggle endlessly with mine. I do not need power to flow. I let go of that part of myself that is certain it is better to suffer and feel like someone than it is to just let go and quietly be no one. I give birth to a new me that never has to hold on to anything because it is already everything. I dare to walk away from all of the familiar but useless mental and emotional relationships that give me a temporary but unsatisfactory sense of self. My true identity is calling me and to hear it I must be willing to endure, for as long as necessary, the fear of self-uncertainty. This form of seeming self-abandonment eventually turns into my greatest pleasure as it becomes increasingly evident that the only thing certain about fear is that it will always compromise me. When it comes to who I really am, there is no compromise. Let go of the past. The past is yesterday. It is irretrievable. When you relate to the past, you relate to no one or any thing. You are literally talking to yourself. No one else is listening. You have already heard all you have to say about that, so, let go. A Course in Miracles says, ””You cannot really not let go what has already gone. It must be, therefore, that you are maintaining the illusion that it has not gone because you think it serves some purpose that you want fulfilled.” ” It is certifiable insanity to conjure up your own reality based on the past and relate to it, rather than to relate to the present which is the only reality. LoveNote. . . Relationships are part of a vast plan for our enlightenment, the Holy Spirit’’s blueprint by which each individual soul is led to greater awareness and expanded love. Relationships are the Holy Spirit’’s laboratories in which he brings together people who have the maximal opportunity for mutual growth. - Marianne Williamson. I say goodbye to the past and hello to the present. I am enthusiastic about who I am becoming! I know that no one sincerely asks for a new life until they are thoroughly dissatisfied with the old one. I am and I let go. When I allow myself to let go of what is old, I stay true to what is new. I believe that as with all insight, higher understanding itself contains not only the instructions I must follow, but the strength I will need to carry them out. Starting life over again is the key to a new me. I see the beauty and significance of starting over - over and over and over. Every present moment is always new and new is always right now. The new dies to the ever-new in an endless celebration of Life. This is it! I live in the present. I never let the past dictate the direction of the present moment. I give my best to my endeavors. What lies ahead for me can only be good. True peace and harmony are a part of who I am. I have come to the realization that what is possible for me to become only truly changes when I am willing to see what is impossible for me to continue being. My true nature is already fully independent and flying freely. I have found my wings.

Hindi dahil you hang out with each other most of
the time, you’d end up being boyfriend-
girlfriend. Self-explanatory… There are a
thousand, no million different reasons why things
don’t always turn out that way. There is no one
proven formula. For all we know, the reason why
he likes hanging out with you is because he likes
getting kikay tips from you. He probably plans on
being kikay himself and he needs a mentor.

A dinner with a guy friend does not necessarily
mean equate to a date. Especially if you’re
paying for your share no. Hello? Three things to
consider: the place, the topic and how the two of
you actually planned to meet. First, how it was
planned. If it were a date expect that he would
ask you out at least three days before the actual
date to give you some lead time, to give you the
notion that you are not just a filler on his
schedule. Second, the place. If it were a real
date, the both of you would want real food and a
place where you could really talk things through.
Don’t go out with a guy to a movie on Friday
night if you’re really serious about him. Going
to a movie is more like treating him like
a "filler" just because you had nothing to do on
a Friday night so you might as well go out.
Topic. Ha! You wouldn’t be talking about chikang
artista, chikang opisina or argue if the one
girl’s bo obs are real or not. You would be
probably talking about sensible, quite personal
stuff.

I therefore conclude that platonic relationships
are never complicated; people just have
tendencies to complicate them.

THE PREMISE of this article lies on the principle
that sometimes, loving a person doesn’t mean it
has to be romantic and loving a person for the
rest of your life doesn’t mean you have to end up
marrying them. Can a man and a woman just be
friends? I’d say yes and they should be.

Hindi dahil kinaibigan ka, liligawan ka na. Not
every guy who befriends you has an ulterior
motive. Get over yourself. Don’t flatter
yourself. There is a reason why he befriended
you, but don’t automatically assume that it’s
because he wants to be your so-called boyfriend.
If this will be the principle you’ll follow every
time someone asks you to be his friend, you’re
gonna miss a great deal from the friendship.

Hindi dahil mabait sa iyo, nililigawan ka na.
There are people who are naturally sweet and
kind. There are people who are innately good and
no matter how wicked you seem, they just find it
so easy to be kind to you. It doesn’t mean he is
courting you. Don’t put yourself through
unnecessary stress trying to figure out if he’s
courting you or not. Because I think if he is,
you won’t have to guess, you’ll know and you’ll
be very certain about it.

Hindi dahil he talks to you a lot, he loves you
na. You don’t befriend a person if you absolutely
abhor him, right? Chances are you make sense when
he talks to you, or you’re probably very patient
listening to him. The two of you probably connect
on some level but why does it always have to be
assumed to be romantic? Being two intelligent,
mature human beings, you need to accept that it’s
nice to share a cup of coffee over a stimulating
conversation, and that you don’t have to
automatically put romantic connotation to it.
Relieve yourself of the pressure. It’s just
coffee and a shared interest.

Hindi dahil cute ang friend mo, crush/love mo na
siya. This is the most amusing thing that hit me
lately. People always assume that because your
friend is cute or should I say, hot (because cute
is a word you describe your high school crush
while hot is a word you use to describe a
hunk), "lakas amats mo na for repapips!" Let me
just say this, at least from my own personal
experience, I’m just nearsighted, I haven’t gone
blind. I can still appreciate God’s creation!
However, there will always be weird things, crazy
things, stupid things that will keep you, believe
me, from having a crush on him. First of all,
you’d know his history with women, enough to
judge what’s good for you. Second, don’t you just
hate it when a guy who’s absolutely always put
together, who looks intelligent enough pronounces
the word country as "kawntri" and the word mango
as "meynggo." Call me crazy for judging a person
just because he can’t pronounce these words
right. I admit, I’m crazy.

(continued in part 2)

there’s ‘tiz question that ever came into the mind of somebody who needs your help so much.. i don’t want to post it in our bulletin board ‘coz it looks corny.

>>the question goes, do u have a special someone in your life aiyt now? if yes, how d’u know that you’re right for each other, even if the feeling is diff’rent.. (think all of the probz u had and u will have)

if none at the moment, is it fair to wait for your turn?

**we want a justified serious answer. tanx!