Sunday, November 18th, 2007
i came from a shitty relationship. i was impregnated early, stopped schooling for a while then now back in shape, studying, part time mom, part timer in a coffee shop. i even missed the old life i had. (but what else can i do? mum about it?) yeah, i have my daughter with me. (that’s the best thing i have) she makes me laugh and cry.
Tears. (go ahead,, cry!) I’ve been wallowing the pain for almost 2 weeks. (the freshest thing i have now) I cannot hide it from anyone else, I even keep on telling them what’s happening to me. I am in an energy draining situation wherein I cannot hold my emotions right now. My friend (B.S Psych) told me that I’m beginning to have a depression, something that is very usual to broken hearted people (and I’m what, belong with them?) and yeah, don’t forget.. I had this pre and post natal depression which is not very good for me at all. This thing eats me alot. It makes me suffer, mentally and physically. That’s why I keep on trying to organize myself– it affects me alot. (my relationship with my daughter, to some and my studies) I keep on telling to myself that i should be standing again. the best adviced i got from a dear old friend, my mom was "you’ve gone thru the most difficult time and u survived it (geez, i’m holding my tears) isurrender mo sa Kanya" I became a cry-baby now. (I guess) wala kasi akong masyadong shock-absorber, as much as posibble I wanted to see my friends (kahit na medyo mahal ang kape sa starbucks) just to make me feel "ok" for a moment. Halos di ko matingnan anak ko ngayon. I dont want her to see me like this,, my daughter is so bright that she feels what I feel. (di ko lang masabi, "baby gurl, i feel very fucked up!") I dont know why it happened, I don’t deserve this. muchos gracias.
